i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
