hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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