ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
