Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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