Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
