I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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