His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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