Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
