if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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