A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize