Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
