yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
