dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
