you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
