I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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