Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
