my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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