The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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