I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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