Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
