Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
