her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
