If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
