I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
