I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
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Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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