Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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