I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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