im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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