Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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