I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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