Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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