Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I will pee on everything he values.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
wow bdsm is so cute
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
