nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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