capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
