We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
