No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
