Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
