My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
