I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
