once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
