Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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