wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
