garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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