I'm drive I can fine osifer
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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