every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
