"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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