i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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