Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
