What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
