You made me cry and you don't even care
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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