also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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