I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
