Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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