Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
