so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
