So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
