She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny