I chose taco bell over sex...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.