I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!