Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.

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  (859): Your vagina is a self cleaning oven. http://tfl.nu/z5bn
  Replies (11) Good night (1161) Bad night (661)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom

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  (617): Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.' (617): we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom http://tfl.nu/ju2m
  Replies (24) Good night (988) Bad night (2691)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

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  (985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee
  Replies (16) Good night (6469) Bad night (990)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.

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  (515): once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window. http://tfl.nu/ziko
  Replies (8) Good night (3596) Bad night (770)
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  (650): View more from California

  i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.

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  (650): i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head. http://tfl.nu/fao9
  Replies (9) Good night (1205) Bad night (3535)
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  (562): View more from California

  I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.

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  (562): I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me. http://tfl.nu/m5b0
  Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (1111)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.

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  (651): I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents. http://tfl.nu/48zb
  Replies (18) Good night (1015) Bad night (2509)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.

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  (720): my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am. http://tfl.nu/xw8k
  Replies (8) Good night (1513) Bad night (602)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak

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  (479): You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid (918): I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak http://tfl.nu/f0ta
  Replies (6) Good night (1086) Bad night (558)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...

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  (603): So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment... http://tfl.nu/nl0n
  Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?

  (1+44): View more from

  Which pub are you in?

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  (+44): Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon? (1+44): Which pub are you in? http://tfl.nu/p4a0
  Replies (6) Good night (936) Bad night (424)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.

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  (321): He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet. http://tfl.nu/4g47
  Replies (3) Good night (493) Bad night (365)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.

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  (503): I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution. http://tfl.nu/pkk0
  Replies (0) Good night (593) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.

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  (270): We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/4qrz
  Replies (5) Good night (370) Bad night (673)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.

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  (248): this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here. http://tfl.nu/h7oj
  Replies (3) Good night (446) Bad night (257)

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