Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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