I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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