Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Tell her she's as useless as a condom.

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  (770): Tell her she's as useless as a condom. http://tfl.nu/5gza
  Replies (37) Good night (1108) Bad night (2553)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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  (732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o
  Replies (12) Good night (606) Bad night (2907)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.

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  (404): my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles. http://tfl.nu/wcsn
  Replies (9) Good night (3543) Bad night (1114)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?

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  (203): If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him? http://tfl.nu/p8ua
  Replies (8) Good night (3879) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

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  (347): How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka" http://tfl.nu/7oja
  Replies (6) Good night (5154) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.

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  (440): well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them. http://tfl.nu/xftj
  Replies (6) Good night (3446) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics

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  (562): Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics http://tfl.nu/ne8m
  Replies (16) Good night (4328) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party

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  (251): I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party http://tfl.nu/8yh5
  Replies (12) Good night (3834) Bad night (1188)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.

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  (302): He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was. http://tfl.nu/ureg
  Replies (6) Good night (1309) Bad night (2557)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.

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  (715): Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out. http://tfl.nu/yvz7
  Replies (13) Good night (2768) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.

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  (309): Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs. http://tfl.nu/8989
  Replies (5) Good night (925) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers

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  (905): I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers http://tfl.nu/jbgt
  Replies (5) Good night (1100) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.

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  (541): Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body. http://tfl.nu/i81x
  Replies (9) Good night (1839) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.

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  (906): When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house. http://tfl.nu/xuce
  Replies (8) Good night (558) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.

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  (816): My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest. http://tfl.nu/ifrd
  Replies (8) Good night (304) Bad night (685)

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