her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Text me some of your sweat
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
