My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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