Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
