Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
