Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
