I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
