i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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