I think my vagina is haunted
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
