mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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