Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
