I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My bed smells like the plague
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
