You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize