So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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