Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
