Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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